


The Meaning of Life and Other Existential Questions

by orphan_account



Category: The Amazing World of Gumball
Genre: I don't know what I'm doing with my life, M/M, Makeouts, Young, human versions, implied unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 01:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3191147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up is hard and Leslie always seems to receive the short end of the stick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Meaning of Life and Other Existential Questions

When they were younger, some of Leslie's fondest memories were with his cousin Penny. She was his rock; his support system; the only person he could go to about anything, but even this was beyond her help. It was his thirteenth birthday (which his parents had forgotten- surprise.) when they laid in her backyard and looked at the stars. In true thirteen year old form, the two contemplated the biggest questions in life- why they were there, how they were cousins and yet nearly two different species. Why she had inherited the genetics he hadn't and vice versa. Why she was a girl and he was a boy. 

“Imagine it,” Penny said. “Imagine if I was Pascal and you were...well, Leslie can be a boy or a girl's name. So like, you'd still be Leslie I guess.” 

“I guess,” Leslie replied, laughing on reflex. Words pressed against the inside of his mouth, threatening to push through and reveal his deepest, darkest secret; That he didn't really feel like a boy or a girl. He was just Leslie the androgynous flower boy and he liked it that way. 

“Hey,” Penny said, diverting the conversation. “You've been hanging out with Carmen's boyfriend a lot lately, right?” 

“Yeah,” Leslie said. “So what. We both get made fun of for being girly. I think it's only natural that we'd become close.” 

“No, no. I don't mean it like that. I'm happy for you guys. I think you need more boy friends so you can talk about boy things too.” He didn't really care, but he turned on his side and smiled at Penny anyway. 

“I guess.” 

Penny turned on her side as well, smiling wide. “How do you like Alan? I hear a lot about him, but Carmen doesn't bring him around a lot to hang out. I think she's afraid one of us are gonna try and steal him. I think she's happy you and Alan are friends too. I guess her thinking is the more guys Alan's friends with, the less girls and that means less competition.” Penny laughed and Leslie tried to do the same, but it was decidedly lackluster. 

“I guess,” he said for the millionth time that night. Maybe it was just teenage hormones, but he knew it wasn't- not entirely at least. More like teenage depression as a direct result of those same terrible teenage hormones. 

Penny's smile faded and she let out a long, dramatic sigh. “What's up with you tonight? Are you still upset about your parents forgetting your birthday?” 

“No.”

“Did I do something wrong?” 

“Of course not. That's just stupid.” 

She thought for a moment, then shifted uncomfortably, raising her arm so she could pillow her head on the crook of it. “...Is it Alan?” 

“No.” Yes. He could tell by the look in Penny's eyes that she knew she had cracked him. 

“Did he...do something to you?” Leslie could only guess what she was implying, but he tried not to obsess over it and instead shrugged his shoulders. 

\---

They were hanging out in his room, playing video games when Alan suddenly paused the game. He didn't say anything at first, and Leslie was too confused by the suddenness to think of what to say first. A long silence that lurked between uncomfortable and comfortable ensued for minutes and just as Leslie opened his mouth to say something, Alan interjected. 

“Carmen always likes to kiss me,” he said. 

“Oh,” Leslie responded. The word wasn't his, or maybe it was birthed so quickly from the forefront of his mind that his lips weren't fast enough to latch onto it. Leslie had been staring at the side of the boy's face, but his eyes fell awkwardly to Alan's hands. Even that was too much and soon his gaze focused on the paused television screen. 

“She said I was really bad at it and then she laughed at me. But she still kisses me all the time.” Alan started off staring at his remote control, but now Leslie could feel the other's eyes on him accompanied by a twist of his body that lent his full attention on the flower child. Leslie's bare feet brushed against each other and he could feel the anxiety bubbling up his esophagus. 

After several moments it became clear that Alan was expecting a reply, so Leslie's lips parted like he imagined a robot's would and he breathed out a soft, “Why.” Though not entirely in response to Alan's story. 

Alan looked away. “I don't know. She says my skin is too soft for a boy. She likes to tease me a lot.” He looked back again, his eyes surveying Leslie and even though he couldn't see it, he could feel it. He didn't know how to react, so he didn't. Blood was disbursing through his body in equal parts, but specifically he could feel the heat in his face. He brushed back his pink hair as cold sweat threatened his hairline. 

Maybe Alan got what he needed from Leslie's face, because his eyes became less focused and he gestured with a finger. “Come here.” 

“Okay.” Leslie was surprised at how detached he felt from his body and words. They were leaving him behind as they reacted in ignorance of his brain's wishes. He slid off the bed, joining Alan on the floor. Blue carpet. It felt itchy underneath his sallow fingers. 

In Biology, Leslie learned that your body knew how to do certain necessary functions based on instinct alone like breathing or lifting your arm. He wondered if this was one of those necessary things, because his body was no longer obeying the simple commands he was giving it, namely: STOP STOP. ABORT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. 

Alan pulled Leslie over by the belt loops on his shorts and every one of the blue-haired boy's actions seemed unfairly deliberate. There was a word for it, but Leslie's mind was drawing up blanks. It took several seconds but finally the word 'Experience' came to mind. “I think Carmen is wrong.” He breathed it against Leslie's mouth and Leslie determined that if Alan's breath had been smoke he would have suffocated. He was suffocating now, but in a different way. 

Alan's lips made quick contact with his, maybe testing the waters. He'd given Leslie enough time and opportunity to pull away if the boy had wanted to, but maybe Leslie hadn't wanted to. Their class had learned about consent during a week long campaign to prevent teenage abuse, but it was hard for Leslie to make a clear decision with one of Alan's hands on his hip and the other on his chest, under the shirt touching the skin though Leslie wasn't sure how or when. The haze in his head was making it impossible to concentrate, but despite his inner turmoil, his body continued to reciprocate. He accepted Alan's lips as they came on him a second time, and then a third. Each following contact more significant than the last. 

He knew why he was trying to talk himself out of it, even if he was failing miserably. Alan had Carmen- But really though what did she matter? Alan was a magnificent kisser and if she couldn't appreciate that, then maybe Leslie could. He abandoned himself to Alan's sudden frenzy and soon their innocent kisses took on a more aggressive form. 

Alan's fingers felt like they were digging bruises into Leslie's sides, but he didn't care. Maybe he couldn't care. Maybe he wasn't even the Leslie he thought he was like when he and Penny discussed paradoxes until their hands were going numb with lack of recognition. Alan pushed him to the carpet with the force of his tongue pushing past the barriers of Leslie's lips. 

It hit the pink-haired teen that he didn't know how to kiss. Alan could be good or bad or lying about what a kiss really was (even though that was silly) and Leslie wouldn't know. It was the fact that it was Alan's hands caressing him and Alan's tongue invading him and Alan's face gazing down at him with lidded, ecstatic teal eyes. 

Leslie had never been touched like this before. He'd only thought about it occasionally followed by an overwhelming sense of guilt. “Alan.” The name rolled off his tongue like a fresh breath and he dove in to reclaim the lips that had captivated him. They romped for awhile like that, neither fighting for dominance because Alan easily won out. 

When Alan finally pulled himself away, Leslie barely noticed he was gone until cold air hit him. He'd been too drawn in to accept it had ended. Alan was grinning at Leslie like someone who was about to do something mean, but Leslie knew it wasn't intentional. “So? Good? Bad?” 

Leslie was too confused to reply, but finally he forced out an urgent, “G-Good.” 

Alan looked pleased with himself and shot Leslie with a firm nod. “I knew it. Thanks Leslie.” He waved to him and swung his backpack over his shoulder. “See ya later.” 

Leslie sat up, fixing his mussed up hair. Part of him was still floating from the odd situation, but the other half felt slighted by Alan's callous goodbye. What. The. Hell. 

\---

“You know you can tell me anything,” Penny urged. 

Leslie smiled and sat up. “I know. And if something was wrong I would tell you.” He nudged her side with his foot and she laughed as it tickled her, then lunged to incite a tickle-war.


End file.
